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The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling Why does it feel sometimes as if our children have special powers that enable them to tune us out completely? You ask your child to do her homework, get ready for school or bedtime. You think she heard you but . . . no response. You’ve tried everything—time-outs, nagging, counting to three—and nothing seems to work. In this invaluable book, Amy McCready, founder of the popular online parenting course Positive Parenting Solutions, presents a nag-and-scream-free program for compassionately yet effectively, correcting your children’s bad behavior.McCready draws on Adlerian psychology and Positive Discipline, which focuses on the central idea that every human being has a basic need to feel connected and empowered—children being no exception to the rule. According to McCready, when this need isn’t met in positive ways, kids resort to negative methods. In this book she provides parents with a virtual toolbox of strategies they can use to give their children the attention and power they crave—and do away with the misbehaving that adults dread.
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Product details
Paperback: 320 pages
Publisher: TarcherPerigee (August 30, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0399160590
ISBN-13: 978-0399160592
Product Dimensions:
5.4 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
158 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#7,674 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I have subscribed to Amy's video program, I've read her book, and I've listened to portions of the book on Audible. I'm still having a very hard time implementing the tools she recommends.Here is an example: Amy has a tool called "when . . . then". You tell then child "when you finish cleaning up after dinner, then you can have your treat" or something similar. What she doesn't go over for each of her tools is how to handle all the uncontrollable whining, tantrums and continuous fighting that ensues when you try to initiate these boundaries.For the "when . . . then" tool, one of her examples is to say to the child "when you load the dishwasher, then you can come to the table for dinner.". What she doesn't cover is what to do when the child refuses to do the chore and doesn't care about the "privilege". She simply says the child will have no choice but to comply. But the child does have a choice: not to eat dinner. Now, I don't really care whether my child misses a meal, but it's one of my husband's hot buttons, and he goes nuts if that is going to happen.Amy has similar recommendations for ensuring routines. I am big on routines in my house. But I still can't get my boys to get ready for bed independently without playing around, dawdling, etc. I tell them it cuts into their story time, I give them the "when . . . then", etc. It doesn't change their behavior. They just continue to do what they are going to do. They get a shorter story time, but if they dawdle or misbehave so much that there isn't any time left for stories, all hell breaks loose! Amy doesn't give any advice for handling that because I somehow still need to get them calmed down enough to go to sleep on time (if they don't get enough sleep, one or them will be especially cranky the next day). In her book and audio, she simply states that they will learn to comply because they have no choice. I don't know how many times I'm supposed to go through the same drama when they lose a privilege, but I've now been through the same situation many times, and it doesn't change their initial behaviors.There are other facets to her advice that also seem to be missing. For implementing mind, body, and soul time, she doesn't say what to do when 15 minutes isn't enough. One of my boys, in particular, loves mommy time so much, he wants mommy time ALL the time. I have to be very stern on drawing the boundaries and explaining that I have had fun, but I need to do other things. This doesn't help in getting him to start playing on his own (without bothering his brother) or help him figure out what to do on his own. He's old enough and fully capable, but when he wants more attention, he won't give up, follows me in the kitchen, whining and carrying on, etc. So what do I do with that?So I think in most recommendations in the book, what is missing is what to do when her recommendation doesn't work right away or the child persists and persists and persists and persists, especially after instituting a consequence. I am guessing her premise is that if you are consistent, then the misbehaviors in reaction to the consequence will end, but when? The book seems to indicate that it won't take long, but so far, that is not my experience.I do see a little better results using these techniques with my older son (7), who tends to be easy going. For my younger boy (6), he tends to be more strong willed, so he'll just choose not to have the privilege or throw huge fits. I don't give into him (and never have), but I'm still left not being able to improve the initial behavior that started the conflict.
I want to thank Amy Mc Cready for having the courage to come forward and share all of her parenting wisdom, mixed in with her personal stories to inspire and encourage us to use her time-tested skills. I started reading Amy's books in 2012. I also purchased her class which is super helpful for me and my family! Within just a few days of trying a new skill my son started singing in the morning, and putting on his shoes without me even asking. #grateful
I don't be usually write reviews, but I felt this one needed to be written. Some of the other reviews are unfair and simplistic. I have read my fair share of childhood psychology, in an attempt to improve my parenting skills. Most people are fast to figure out that yelling at the four year old doesn't work. This book explains why. It is a modern adaptation of Adlerian psychology and the author attempts to explain the underlying reasons for lack of cooperation. Sure, it doesn't answer all the questions and all the situations. It is a book, not a private psychologist consultation. It provides tools and things to try, the parents still have to customize and do the legwork of troubleshooting.
I really appreciate the tools in this book. I think they are excellent. I like the psychology behind why kids do what they do, AND I would love to see that portrayed on the parental end as well. Seemingly every anecdote given portrays the children as helpless beings with their only goal being attention and significance, while the parents ,who are not behaving as the tools would suggest, have a sense of superiority, are ‘giants’ with ‘loud booming voices that tower over’ children.I do love the quote you used from Jane Nelson, “ where did we get the crazy idea that in order to make our kids do better, we have to make them feel worse.†It’s not just kids it’s HUMANS. Don’t shame parents into “correct†parenting. We are all children at our core. 😊
Excellent book. The author discusses children's motivations for behavior in a straight-forward, easy-to-understand fashion with real-life examples that every parent could relate to. What's more, the author provides the reader with practical, easily implemented ways to correct your child's behavior without fuss. I implemented most of the strategies already in my child's life. On the days when we don't get to do "Total Time with Dad" because I am traveling or because he is busy with his friends, he notices it and makes it a point to ask for that time the next day. I do not make it a habit to recommend a lot of books, but this one is definitely a must-read for every parent.
I’ve read and tried all the parenting books. This one is by far the best. The strategies actually work for real! She actually gives you advice on what to do instead of spending all her time trying to convince you why she’s right like a lot of self-help books.
The tips in this book is quickly actionable. Though sometimes it can feel like drinking out of the hose. It'll take your discipline to master the techniques over time. This is a book to be studied not read
This product is a saver for me who is the first time ever being a mom! I was so confused about what I shoud do with my 2 year old baby. This book explains why kids become like that nowadays and it understands how parents nowadays feel too. I’m still working on it but so far it is really helpful
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